I Am Denial

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 22:04:17 GMT

Wow, long time no update... hmmm, probably because no one reads this crap and I don't have too much to complain about, or at least nothing that I would want anybody knowing about. I think it's somewhat ironic that I have an online journal seeing as how I'm usually a very private person. Hey, oh well.

Dude, today we played a game in japanese class in which we had to hit a flash card on the desk, and whoever hit it first got a point. Well, since I'm so brilliant I hit the desk really hard to intimidate the other people and win... (ho ho ho <--- evil laugh) well that worked quite well until the last time I hit it and my hand started swelling and now I can't move my pinky very much, everyone was convinced I broke something, but there is no way I missing out on martial arts today just because my hand looks like a pumpkin. :/

Wow, pointless entries seem to be my specialty. Oh well, my life isn't very interesting. Or maybe it is, but just in my mind and when I try to write it down it just doesn't come out right.

Thu, 02 Sep 2004 23:15:13 GMT

I wrote this the day after school started... I guess it didn't get posted or something, I don't know.

I have been stressed out lately. Not by important things, but by frivolous things such as boys and flowers... well not really flowers, but you get the point.

I like first days of school where you are completely new and new to everyone, where there are no recognizable faces and everybody looks at you the same way; with a mixture of curiosity and hatred. I like those kind of first days of school, filled with uncertainty, you heart pounding endlessly inside an empty chest. I wish that it could have been like that yesterday, but here, everybody is the same. The familiarity is overwhelming. There is nothing new and exciting. Its just the same crap that I've been going through all summer and I can find no escape.

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 18:38:39 GMT

I'm giving up on this whole boy / love thing . That is just obviously not going to work out . I'm hoping if I stop wishing for something that it might happen . I know that this sounds pathetic, but it is the truth . I assume that it just isn't the right time for me to have someone , except god how I wish I could . Damn , that sounds so lame , but I really do just want someone right about now . Except I'm pretty sure I would end up fucking that up .

On a lighter note , I believe that I am going to grow my hair out again . Not for any bit of practicality of course , because it really isn't and it is a pain to deal with , but as my own small rebellion against everyone looking exactly the same . The thing is that all girls are cutting their hair short right now and the boys are growing theirs out . I can't change a trend , but I'm going to make my hair grow as fast as possible hehe . . . because I know it's possible to make hair grow faster by telling it to . ;)

I started drawing again the past couple of days , I haven't really since school , and I've acctually missed it very much . It's a good way to get emotion out . Some people are amazing writers and some people can do any number of artistic and beautiful things to get out their emotions , I can draw . . . not well . . . but I try .

I've read quite a bit today , finished the book I had to for school and am about half way through another I thought looked good . Also read Princess Ai and finished Snow Drop 4 . Haha , I know . . . manga , but I love them . Especially the cheesy shojos . I'm such a hopeless romantic .

errrr . . .

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 09:14:25 GMT

Play this:
organ
+
orgasm

;)

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 18:13:11 GMT

Nothing can ever be the same again. I wish I didn't hurt people like I seem to. But then, you've also got to take in consideration that you make me feel like nothing... NOTHING. I guess that that is my fault as well though.

P.S. I didn't mean to hurt you.

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 17:48:09 GMT

blah blah blah, live journals are so stupid. Whatever happened to the good old fashioned paper and pen where you wrote down your real thoughts and wouldn't let anyone else read them. Not this thing where it has to at least be somewhat cool because all your friends and, ooh no, maybe your crush too, is going to read it here. Haha, but really you've all got to admit, all this is pretty pathetic.

Fri, 23 Jul 2004 01:10:46 GMT

This doesn't mean anything to you.

Sun, 18 Jul 2004 04:04:41 GMT

Don't you think it's about time that someone thought about someone besides themselves?

Sat, 17 Jul 2004 06:41:28 GMT

Wake up crying, no scratch that. Wake up dying.

Can you fa fa feel it in your skull?

Fri, 16 Jul 2004 21:12:49 GMT

I'm sure you have no idea what it is and that is how I like it.

Thu, 15 Jul 2004 06:37:19 GMT

Oh my gosh. I'm simply in love with this bag.

It's $980.00 though, and I sure as hell don't have that much money. I'm so in love with it though... <3333333

Ohhh! They have it in pink also with no leather!!!! But it is still $825.00. :(

Thu, 15 Jul 2004 00:41:24 GMT

I AM 18% SKA!

I am not ska. I am not even close... I don't even know what skanking is? I may need guidance, get offline and see if I can go find myself a show, or a CD, or something.

Take the SKA test at Fuali.com

Man, thats fucking embarrassing, I hate ska.

Wed, 14 Jul 2004 21:12:36 GMT

Haha, I stole this from 901465.

BOLD what you've seen all the way through. ITALICIZE what you've seen some way through. UNDERLINE what you own.

01. Trainspotting
02. Shrek
03. M
04. Dogma
05. Strictly Ballroom
06. The Princess Bride
07. Love Actually
08. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
09. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
11. Reservoir Dogs
12. Desperado
13. Swordfish
14. Kill Bill Vol. 1
15. Donnie Darko
16. Spirited Away
17. Better Than Sex
18. Sleepy Hollow
19. Pirates of the Caribbean
20. The Eye
21. Requiem for a Dream
22. Dawn of the Dead
23. The Pillow Book
24. The Italian Job
25. Goonies
26. BASEketball
27. The Spice Girls Movie
28. Army of Darkness
29. The Color Purple
30. The Safety of Objects
31. Can't Hardly Wait
32. Mystic Pizza
33. Finding Nemo
34. Monsters Inc.
35. Circle of Friends
36. Mary Poppin (in spanish so I didn't understand it all)
37. The Bourne Identity
38. Forrest Gump
39. A Clockwork Orange
40. Kindergarten Cop
41. On The Line
42. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
43. Final Destination
44. Sorority Boys
45. Urban Legend
46. Cheaper by the Dozen
47. Fierce Creatures
48. Dude, Where's My Car
49. Ladyhawke
50. Ghostbusters
51. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
52. Back to the Future
53. An Affair To Remember
54. Somewhere In Time
55. North By Northwest
56. Moulin Rouge
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
58. The Wizard of Oz
59. Zoolander
60. A Walk to Remember
61. Chicago
62. Vanilla Sky
63. The Sweetest Thing (I love this movie)
64. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead
65. The Nightmare Before Christmas
66. Chasing Amy
67. Edward Scissorhands
68. Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert
69. Muriel's Wedding
70. Croupier
71. Blade Runner
72. Cruel Intentions
73. Ocean's Eleven
74. Magnolia
75. Fight Club
76. The Beauty and The Beast
77. Much Ado About Nothing
78. Dirty Dancing
79. Gladiator
80. Ever After
81. Braveheart
82. What Lies Beneath
83. Regarding Henry
84. The Dark Crystal
85. Star Wars (every single one baby)
86. The Birds
87. Beaches
88. Cujo
89. Maid In Manhattan
90. Labyrinth
91. Thoroughly Modern Millie
92. His Girl Friday
93. Chocolat
94. Independence Day
95. Singing in the Rain
96. Big Fish
97. The Thomas Crown Affair
98. The Matrix
99. Stargate
100. A Hard Day's Night
101. About A Boy
102. Jurassic Park
103. Life of Brian
104. Dune
105. Help!
106. Grease
107. Newsies
108. El Mariachi
109. Rozencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead
110. Benny and Joon
111. Monsoon Wedding
112. The Wrong Trousers
113. Once Were Warriors
114. Pulp Fiction
115. The Rocky Horror Picture Show
116. It's A Wonderful Life
117. What Dreams May Come
118. The Aristocats
119. Dante's Peak
120. Run Lola Run
121. Scream
122. Short Circuit
123. Gone in 60 Seconds
124. Leon [The Professional]
125. Dark City
126. Phone Booth
127. Soul Assassin
128. The Count of Monte Cristo
129. City of Lost Children
130. American History X
131. The Last Unicorn
132. Empire Records
133. Hackers
134. Keeping the Faith
135. Dick Tracy
136. Dazed and Confused
137. American Beauty
138. Gattaca
139. Equilibrium
140. Spun
141. Alien
142. Boondock Saints
143. Loser
144. Great Expectations
145. High Fidelity
146. Shrek 2
147. The Punisher
148. Troy
149. Maverick
150. The Craft
151. Aladdin
152. Saturday Night Fever
153. Boogie Nights
154. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
155. Center Stage
156. The Mummy
157. The Godfather
158. All the President's Men
159. Black Knight
160. Young Frankenstein
161. Wet Hot American Summer
162. The Big Lebowski
163. This Is Spinal Tap
164. Saved!
165. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
166. The Stepford Wives
167. Rebel Without A Cause (!!!!)
168. Bowling For Columbine
169. The Little Mermaid
170. Am?lie
171. Dead Poet's Society
172. Varsity Blues
173. Death To Smoochy
174. The Notebook
175. Todo Sobre mi Madre
176. The Watermelon Man
177. Rebecca
178. Swing Kids
179. My Neighbor Totoro
180. Life is Beautiful
181. 3 Ninjas
182. Two Weeks Notice
183. Ernest Scared Stupid
184. hangman's curse
185. orange county
186. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
187. Little Shop of Horrors
188. Tank Girl
189. Scary Movie

Thu, 08 Jul 2004 06:47:37 GMT

I know it's not important, and I know you probably don't care, but I have to tell you... this is going to be so hard.

It a series of legs, yeah I know, hot.

Wed, 07 Jul 2004 05:41:42 GMT

Ugggg! I feel sick :( I just talked to Jimmy <3, but I had to go because I'm going to sleep so I can feel better to see As I Lay Dying tomorrow night (yay)! Okay night night.

Wed, 07 Jul 2004 04:06:19 GMT

Weeee! I love summer! I never really have anything to do, I can just sit at home and play on my computer all day and night. I love being a nerd! I love not having obligations. I never want to grow up!

I'm going to make this into a photo journal as well, so you can be expecting pictures next time... oh WAIT! I took some last night... they are below.

boring and shitty I know, so don't bother commenting with anything negative... my self-image does not need to drop anymore.

Mon, 31 May 2004 23:50:09 GMT

Wow, it's been a long time since I wrote in here. Well, it's summer YAY! I'm fucking bored even though there is so much to do, I guess I am just lazy. Well I don't have anything to say so bye.

Thu, 22 Apr 2004 21:13:00 GMT

As I Lay Dying was amazing. Thats all thanks.

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 20:46:28 GMT

I saw Bleeding Through last night with Himsa, Death by Stereo, and Grace Gale. I like Bleeding Through and Himsa, but Death by Stereo was pretty horrible. I had a fucking horrible headache all last night. I keep getting them, but recently they have been really bad and I have no idea why. There isn't much to say. I don't do too much.

Fri, 16 Apr 2004 22:10:39 GMT

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I guess its just not the same screaming online.

Tue, 06 Apr 2004 04:09:07 GMT

Thank god it is finally spring break. I needed this, I've been sick for who knows how long, but its going away I think. I have to do a photo essay for school and I can't think of anything good to do (I'm open to suggestions ;]), but that is all the homework I have.

Mona and I went to Dane's house today to keep Thomas company while Dane was at school. We had fun watching Speed Racer! Then we picked Dane up at school. We rented A Clockwork Orange which I thoroughly enjoyed, but I've got to say the book was much much better. Our band wants to record a demo this week. I think it's a little silly because we've only played one show (at a school) but we need a demo to play at this coffee house we keep getting offers to play at so thats mostly the reason we are doing it I think. I need to buy a head and a new guitar, but I hardly have any money at all, I don't know what I am going to do. Maybe pawn the amp I have now... I guess.

a b o u t . y o u
[ full name ] norah m brown.
[ birthdate ] may 27.
[ location ] denver, co.
[ sexual preference ] straight.
[ height ] 5'7.
[ weight ] 110 lbs.
[ hair color ] black.
[ hair type ] ehh.
[ skin color ] pale.
[ eye color ] green/grey.
[ piercings ] ears.
[ tattoos ] i'm only 15.
[ fitted shirts ] what the hell.

i n t e r n e t
[ do you use any instant messengers ] yes.
[ if so, which ones? ] aim.
[ about how many hours a day do you spend online? ] too many.
[ do you have a digital camera? ] my mom does.
[ if so, do you post pictures of yourself online? ] umm... yeah.
[ do you frequently look up porn? ] no.

m u s i c
[ do you play any instruments? ] yes.
[ if so, what one(s)? ] guitar, piano, flute.
[ favorite genres Of music ] i like a lot of stuff. some include hardcore, grindcore, metal, emo.
[ favorite bands ] throwdown, embrace today, the black dahlia murder, le tigre, i don't know.
[ do you go to concerts and/or shows? ] yes.
[ what is the most you've ever spent on a concert/show? ] it would have been for KISS but I didn't have enough money.
[ what is the least you've ever spent? ] nothing.
[ do you think buying merch at a concert then wearing it there is corny? ] yes.
[ do you listen to any bands that you'd be ashamed to admit to listening to? ] no.

w o r d . a s s o c i a t i o n
[ blue ] color.
[ camera ] dark room.
[ boys ] sadness/happiness.
[ pretty ] depends.
[ pants ] jeans.
[ music ] life.
[ god ] never there.
[ sweater ] itchy.
[ live journal ] stupid.
[ mtv ] stupid.
[ soft ] love.
[ hard ] love.
[ heart ] where?
[ star ] sky.
[ sex ] passion/lust.
[ fuck ] fuck.

r i g h t . n o w
[ pants youre wearing? ] levis.
[ shirt youre wearing? ] button-up western.
[ underwear? ] white.
[ music listening to? ] murder by death.
[ taste in your mouth? ] peppermint.
[ weather? ] nice.
[ how are you? ] tired.
[ tired? ] yes.
[ happy? ] not really.
[ depressed? ] not really.

d o . y o u
[ get motion sickness ] sometimes.
[ have a bad habit/trait? ] biting my nails.
[ get along with the parents? ] i try.
[ like to drive? ] no.
[ want to get married ] no.
[ have kids ] no.
[ sing in the shower ] yes.
[ dance ] what kind?

w h i c h . i s . w o r s e
[ physical pain/emotional pain? ] emotional.
[ blink-182/good charlotte? ] good charlotte.
[ being deaf/being blind? ] deaf.
[ being bored/rushing around because you have too much to do? ] being bored.
[ losing your dominant leg/losing your dominant arm? ] i think arm, not too sure.

f a v o r i t e s
[ tv show ] jacki chan (cartoon).
[ movie ] alice in wonderland, requiem for a dream, detriot rock city, dr. zhivago, how to deal.
[ conditioner ] tresame.
[ shampoo ] tresame.
[ hair product ] whatever.
[ book ] a clockwork orange, high fidelity, chariots of the gods?, fahrenheit 451.
[ magazine ] depends.
[ non-alcoholic beverage ] h2o.
[ alcoholic beverage ] fuck that shit.
[ thing to do on weekends ] whatever, go to shows.
[ band or artist ] throwdown.
[ song ] don't know.
[ colors ] pink.
[ smell ] vanilla.
[ icecream ] soy.

h a v e . y o u
[ broke the law ] yes.
[ ran away from home ] no.
[ snuck out of the house ] yes.
[ gone skinny dipping ] yes.
[ made a prank phone call ] yes.
[ ever tipped over a porta-potty ] mona pushed me into one.
[ used parents credit card ] yes.
[ skipped school ] yes, not a whole day.
[ fell asleep in shower/bath ] can't remember.
[ been in a school play ] maybe.
[ let a friend cry on your shoulder ] yes.
[ kissed a boy ] yes.
[ how many? ] not many, too many.
[ kissed a girl ] yes.
[ how many? ] 3.
[ slept with someone ] yes.
[ had sexual intercourse ] no.

l o v e
[ boyfriend ] no.
[ girlfriend ] sarah of course.
[ sexuality ] straight.
[ are you a virgin ] yes.
[ children ] no.
[ current crush ] crushes are stupid.
[ been in love? ] no.
[ do you believe theres a difference between "love" and "in love"? ] don't know.
[ is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? ] don't know.
[ are you romantic? ] never really had the chance to be.
[ had a hard time getting over someone ] kind of.
[ been hurt? ] yes.
[ cheated ] kind of.
[ your greatest regret? ] don't have one.
[ gone out with someone you hardly knew? ] meh.
[ turn ons ] right now, nothing.
[ turn offs ] right now, everything.
[ favorite place to be touched ] please don't touch me unless i give you permission.
[ what song describes you now? ] i don't know.

r a n d o m
[ do you have a job ] yes.
[ your cd player has in it right now ] the bled.
[ if you were a crayon what color would you be ] i don't know.
[ what makes you happy ] music.
[ who makes you happiest ] mona, my family(sometimes).
[ next cd you plan to buy ] who knows.
[ who do you consider close friends ] mona.
[ what do you like to do ] play guitar, listen to music, go to shows, cuddle(don't laugh).
[ do you use internet shorthand (i.e. 'lol', 'brb', 'jk')? ] when i'm lazy.
[ how often do you bathe? ] mostly every day.
[ are you a people-pleaser? ] i don't know.

w h e n / w h a t . w a s . t h e . l a s t
[ time you cried ] yesterday.
[ time you recieved a letter ] from my dad when he was on a trip.
[ you received e-mail ] today. myspace.
[ thing you purchased ] rented "thirteen".
[ tv program you watched ] can't remember.
[ movie you have seen ] a clockwork orange.

y o u r . t h o u g h t s . o n
[ abortion ] it's the woman's choice.
[ gay relationships ] sure.
[ pre-marital sex ] it's not my place to tell anyone what to do.
[ teenage smoking ] see above, i chose not to.
[ war ] horrible.
[ the spice girls ] i like them.
[ your dreams ] fuck dreams.

Fri, 02 Apr 2004 03:57:41 GMT

Your Heart is Black

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

Okay, that was depressing, I thought quizzes were supposed to be fun?! Oh well it's probably right. They are always more right than you hope or would think.

Thu, 01 Apr 2004 04:52:57 GMT

Bright Eyes is writing your life story!
introspective and articulate, don't let your
love life get you down so much that you drink
yourself into oblivion and kill a family of 4
while driving drunk. no one likes dating a
convicted felon.

Which Band Is Writing Your Life's Story?
brought to you by Quizilla

How goofy. I don't drink. Stupid quizzes they don't know anything!

We played a show last night. It was our first one. It rocked pretty hard except that we were playing at a school so part way through our first song they turned the vocals down really low and during the 3rd song they shut down the school and kicked us out. Whateva though, because people seemed to enjoy it and personally I had a great time and don't really care what the people at school say. Quite a few people came up to me today though and said we were good, and my brother heard some people saying we are death metal!! HAH I think everything with screaming is death metal to them though.

Mon, 29 Mar 2004 00:28:17 GMT

I saw Norma Jean last night. They played with Haste the Day, Beloved, and Dead Poetic. It wasn't that great. Beloved and Dead Poetic suck. Haste the Day was actually pretty good and Norma Jean was of course good. But the night could have been so much better if things had gone differently. UnderOATH didn't come because they were mixing something. I'm pissed, but that is how it goes. There were tons of kids there last night, too many people. I don't think many people were at Avenged Sevenfold and The Bled who played at the Bluebird. Someone said The Hope Conspiracy was with them, but I don't know. I'd be sad that I missed them.

Ever noticed how things seem to start going right, but them they just crash down over your head... why is that?

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 23:07:47 GMT

Oh gosh, CSAPs are fun! I kid I kid. They aren't that bad though... not like everyone makes them out to be. At least I practically get a half day off of school. I don't feel very good. I think I need to go to a good show, but I can't for a while, and my mom is getting surgery on the 17th so I have to take care of her because Bog knows my dad and brother won't. I wish I had my license though... it would be very helpful. Oh well. Fare thee well.